Second chances

It’s easy to say you think second chances are great when you are the one asking for it. But what happens when you are asked for second chances?

Some time ago, someone I used to be friend with in the real life sent me a friend request on Facebook. My first thought has obviously been: screw that b****! and I have ignored the request. Given the person we are talking about had screwed me once already, I was not ready to allow any second chances to be screwed again.

As time goes by though, and Facebook kindly keeps on reminding me that a friend request awaits in my inbox, I am starting to have second thoughts.

Should I give her a second chance?

First of all: thank you, Facebook algorithm! I could have very well done without you bringing me second thoughts about second chances and my impulsive decision based on things that have happened many years ago. And second: why is she asking me to be Facebook friends? Has she truly changed (like I am being told by a shared connection) or is she just trying to spy on me and check my life out?

(hey, I see what you’re thinking, I don’t do that ok? Let’s be clear, we have Instagram for that).

But again, if you are not giving second chances to the ones who have hurt you, how can you know whether they were really willing to repair the bad they had done?

Let’s start from the beginning

This person has been very important to me in a very challenging time (when I had just moved to a new city, out of my country, alone and away from boyfriend, family and friends). She basically took me in, introduced me to her friends and made me feel home.

I am not saying we were besties. It has never been about sharing deep thoughts and talking about changing the world. Let’s say it was more about two girls in their twenties, mutually looking for a partner in crime to go out and have fun, that’s it. And I must admit we did have a lot of fun.

After a while though, she started to have some challenges, so I naturally returned the favor giving her a place to stay. I was living alone in a quite large apartment so why not. Unfortunately, that’s exactly when things got complicated between us.

It’s funny how you think you know someone…

…and then you start sharing a bit more than just a Saturday night out, and you realize you did not know that person AT ALL. I won’t go into details as it would take a whole book. Long story short, besides the very difficult cohabitation, she violated my trust. Worse. As soon as I had asked her to leave the place, she had gone telling a completely different story behind my back, obviously trying to paint me as the bad one of course.

It’s the first time I re-think about the whole thing – WOW this has turned apart really really fast. In a few months, we went from big friends to strangers.

When the time came for me to leave the city and travel back to my hometown (note: at the time I thought it would be for good – which clearly was not, as it turns out I am still here, exactly 10 years after that very night), I decided to invite her to my farewell party, in what I think was a very wise  attempt to bury the hatchet and move on. After all, she had done much for me and I thought it was stupid to lose someone just like that. Bear in mind I was convinced I would leave the country forever, so I guess I thought I did not want to leave any cold case behind me (even if selfishly, still, I think I did a nice gesture, didn’t I?)

Anyways, it does not matter because she did not even reply to my invite. Can you believe that? Better (or actually should I say worse), she asked someone to tell me that “the moment was too intense and psychologically charged for her to even consider coming to the party”.

Are you for real?

I remember feeling extremely sad. Very, very pissed off. And sad. A giant slap in my face, take that. Man it did hurt. How dare she? I mean, wasn’t I the one who had been hurt in the first place?

And yet there I was, making the first step to meet her halfway and try to pick up the pieces. But no, she couldn’t even make the effort to send a note, she was too emotionally busy for that. I know the details of what she was going through at that time and I allow myself to say that her excuse was giant bullshit. No one was dying, no one was sick, just a simple family thing with her dad, the kind of situation that more or less every family has.

Hang on a second: was I giving her a second chance at that time already?! Does that mean I am considering giving her a third chance then?

I am starting to think she does not deserve that. But I forgot to tell you that she is the one who introduced me to the love of my life. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be married to a wonderful guy today. Should this be enough, even for a third chance?

And you? What’s your view on second chances? Tell us your story and we will publish it on here! getintouch@thereallifeblog.com