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Five reasons NOT to be perfect and live perfectly happy

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Let’s start by saying that perfection does not exist.

Yes, you read that right. Perfection does not exist. What? Wait. That can’t be true! Well, luckily enough for all of us, it is true. Perfection is nothing but another very weird concept invented by human beings to feel like shit and make others feel like shit. It does not exist in nature, nature is not perfect, so why should we be?

I know this sounds super easy but actually what we are doing here is turning years of occidental education upside down (and most probably your mom and dad will not agree with me). I have only just found this out myself at the age of 34 and it took me at least a couple of months to start accepting that perfection is not a real thing (and I am still struggling with it).

Like you, I grew up with a huge social pressure on my shoulders: be the perfect daughter, then be the perfect friend, then the perfect girlfriend, the perfect wife, the perfect mum… it is all a big lie guys! The moment you acknowledge that perfection does not exist, you will immediately feel relieved and less stressed.

Trying to achieve something that does not exist is stupid.

Didn’t we just say that perfection does not exist? So stop trying to achieve it, you are losing your time running after the impossible, and how frustrating is that? Let’s focus on being as good as we can instead, without comparing ourselves to others at every step of the journey.

Life is not a competition and what you see on Instagram is not real (but I hope you knew this already at least. I mean, in a real world if Ariana Grande was really wearing white Crocs sandals with white socks the world would end and she would immediately lose the 6 millions of followers she has, right? That can’t be true come on!).

We should all aspire at being the best version of ourselves and that’s it.

Imperfections are your friend (and your strength).

We all have imperfections given that, as we just said, perfection does not exist. So stop feeling guilty about your imperfections! In a world where everyone ends up looking alike while trying to be perfect (with high boobs and a flat stomach and perfectly done nails and Kardashian’s contouring on your face – especially after you’ve had kids, and the gravity is not a friend of yours anymore), imperfections are what makes you different! Instead of trying to hide them, you should leverage them and use them to become stronger. 

Nobody is perfect! And if you do not want to believe me, at least you should believe Celine Dion and her new song “Imperfections”. So if we would all stop hiding our imperfections instead of faking it hard and showcasing a perfect life that we do not have, we’d all be friends!

Failure is part of the journey

Easier to say than to apply, I agree. But when failure comes, the only way to get through it is to embrace it; and while perfection does not exist, failure is very real but it is not as negative as we’ve been taught. It is simply the way we learn things.

Being a mom has taught me a lot of things. Surprisingly, most of them have been taught to me by my kids. Looking them learning something new every day, accepting and embracing failure every time, has amazed me. And the funny thing is, for them it does not just hurt emotionally, but physically too! Think about when they learn to walk

It is all in your hands.

This is not just a way of saying. A nice mantra that you read on those motivational cards on Instagram. I have tried this on my skin and can confirm that happiness is a state of mind. I am more and more convinced that you can chose if you want to be happy by the way you decide to look at yourself and at others. It’s basically the good old grandma’s “half full or half empty glass”. And most of the times, the answer to our questions is already there, inside us. Only, we are either looking for it in the wrong place.

Self-consciousness is the key. Our body already knows it all, the only thing we have to start doing is to listen to it. My therapist recommended this very funny and revealing series of YouTube video pills on emotions. I absolutely invite you to check it out as it’s amazingly inspiring and a great eye opener! You will learn that emotions are the language of the brain. This is the way your brain communicates with you, so it is super important to listen to them. Check-in on yourself daily and take action as required. I guarantee you will start to feel better immediately. Been there, done that!

Finding balance

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Or – how you thought you had everything perfectly under control, but instead, you do not even know where your balance is and how you can find balance for a better life.

I have never really understood why people are so insensitive at work. It’s as if every morning, as soon as we walk into the office, something comes over us and makes us forget who we really are, that we’re here on earth for a blink of an eye and – instead of cherishing each other and making an effort to make this journey pleasant for all – we do our utmost to be jerks.

Does it really have to be like that?

Is that what’s needed to have a career and be successful? Could it not be different and should it not be different? Why are we being like this?

I can’t help but think that it’s a question of balance and most importantly finding balance for a better life. That famous “work-life” balance that’s filling up glossy magazines and empty HR promises. Is it really working? For whom? And how can we find our own?

Last Friday hubby and I were having dinner, alone, just the two of us. As it used to be. Before the kids, I mean. It’s crazy how difficult it is to get some space once you become parents! So we decided we would invest some money in a babysitter at least once a month to make time for those little “just the two of us” moments.

Anyways, when dessert arrived, he asked me what I wanted to do. Not after dinner; really, in my life, in the near future or in the long run…

I did not know. Scariest thing ever. How can I be almost 34 and not know what I want to do with my life?! I’m supposed to be the adult here – I’m supposed to have a plan. I should have found my balance already.

Where the hell is my balance?

Turns out, I really don’t know. Finding balance for a better life is not that easy.

It was not just because the dessert was so delicious that my mind was completely blown away (I had tarte Tatin with vanilla ice cream – orgasmic). I truly, really honestly, did not have an answer, and that was hard to admit, hard to live with. So I started thinking about it.

How come I do not know?

I have always been so sure about myself and I never thought moments like this one could happen – especially not as a thirty-something, working mom, married to a great guy who takes me out for tarte Tatin.

Wasn’t this supposed to happen in our senior year, when we had to choose which uni to pick? Or when you were dating both the good guy and the jackass and you didn’t know which one to drop?

Well, my friends. Apparently this can also happen when you think that your fate is traced, that all is decided that all you can do is just keep going. That “this is as good as it gets”, like Jack Nicholson says in the movie.

No, not for me. It may have been the dessert, it may have been the extra glass of wine, it may have been my husband looking at me with a question that had nothing to do with diapers or groceries, but I had an epiphany.

I need more me time.

No, scratch that. I want more me time. I want time to do the things that really make me happy, to focus on finding that balance for a better life. Like writing this blog, for instance. I am doing this for myself, simply because it helps me put order in my thoughts. And that’s what will reset the balance.

This space is like a secret journal for me really, except that I feel like I’m probably not the only one going down this route in this very moment, and I would love to hear from others that are on my same boat.

And you? How are you keeping your balance? Tell us your story and we will publish it on here! getintouch@thereallifeblog.com